On the inside of my right arm slightly above my wrist is a tattoo an  Ensō circle.  Turning 50 caused me to reevaluate life that I had to come to terms with, expectations, regrets, interlaced and external strife.  Another word this was my midlife crisis.  At a certain point, I had to accept I am what I am.   I'm not perfect, so what if it took me 100 years to finish undergraduate and graduate school. I mean really who's keeping count accept me.  Well, that's not true, past employers, some family members, some so-called friends, they all seem to have something to say about what I should have done.  For a long time, I felt both ashamed and depressed over the psyche scape that without knowing it became my life and my past.  Truth be told I was scared. Fear stopped me from participating in much of my life.  Don't get me wrong fear is a good thing, it's an evolutionary response that senses danger and reacts, fight or flight   Fear keeps you alive.  However, fear also stops you from living.  Most of my fear came from lack of esteem could blame this entirely on my early mother loss, or I can accept I may have been wired this way.

 

I never felt good enough to compete with the majority of my peers.  I felt incomplete.  Primal Lindsey saved herself by created another path, the Path not taken by anyone of her friends. When one sets out on the track not decided there's no measurements or competition. This terrain is undoubtedly scary, but it seemed the better of two evils.  I would rather risk my own goals then put myself in the running on the same path as my friends.