Lindsey roth rosen

 

The years 5-11 are only highlighted with bits of abuse and traditional childhood moments.

 

I spent a lot of those years vomiting. I suppose it was out of fear, anxiety, grief, confusion or maybe something was wrong with me.

My step-mother wanted us to bed very early. I believe by 6 pm. That means we were finished with dinner and any school work before that time.  It also meant that we did not see our father who would get home from work later.  He was working with his new father-in-law so.

I remember much of the food was new to my brother and me. I'm not exactly sure what we ate with our mother bit admittedly it was not liverwurst, brussel sprouts, French onion soup, chicken liver, liver, tongue.  These dishes were very adult-like food, and we did not like it at all.  I remember swallowing the brussels whole and choking. 

 

Many meals were spent trying to finish the food.

 

We had to eat 'around the clock' meaning the plate was the clock, top being 12 the bottom 6 and so forth.  We had to go a full plate before being able to sip water. 

Suffice to say, between this eating regimen and my anxiety vomiting; I was wasting away. 

 

I also chewed my nails down to the quick.
Sometimes we would take so long eating that I was relegated to finish in the bathroom.

 

Sometimes I wouldn't finish, and the dinner would reappear at breakfast.

To try to rectify my nail biting the step-mother would try the awful tasting polish, which I still managed to gnaw through.

 

Because I did that she put socks on my hands and tied the socks with shoelaces, even when I went to school. 

 

My friend, a neighbor, took pity on me taking the socks off before school and putting the socks back on after school. 

I found that when I told the truth; I'd get hit, so I lied, and I still got hit.  When I lied (or told the truth), she made me bite a piece of ivory soap. 

 

Sometimes she would tell me to stick my tongue out, and she would drop a dash of Tabasco on it.

 

My brother was about three and was so anxious that it manifested as eczema,  stuttering and a bit delayed in toilet training. 

 

If my brother had an accident she made him wear his underwear on his head stained side out. 

 

One Christmas he received coal in his stocking.   

 

Many nights for no apparent reason she pulled him out of bed and beat him.

I received beatings too, belts with buckles hairbrushes and wooden spoons. 

 

I could not save my brother; I could not stop her

 

I'm not sure what I had done.